Inconveniences

Today has been a day filled with inconveniences and the natives are restless.
I'm earning my pay today dealing with numerous faux pas.
First SWEPCO shut off our power to install a new transformer.
Then our water got shut off because of a leak in an apartment.
I had to call Razor Rooter last night and then Res Con to dry and clean the carpet.
Customers are querying me about how long the water will be off.
Ernest Hemingway once wrote about how one is judged when adversity strikes.
One must display grace under pressure to endure and succeed in handling life's little traumas.
One must not worry oneself to death over circumstances out of one's control.
Two of my most traumatic experiences occurred when I was sleeping around.
One night I came to an abandoned house I had been snoozing in and it was a pile of bricks.
I went to the Walton Arts Center and slept there a couple of nights until the automatic sprinkler system cascaded on me.
Another time Pepe LePew entered my domain uninvited.
I guess if I can handle those twin inconveniences I can handle just about anything.
Just another day in paradise.

God knows

I read the other day that if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans.
Indeed God already knows what's going to transpire in our lives if we just seek guidance and forego our human pride.
It used to be my way or the highway and I ended up trodding along in my own uppity shoes.
But I kept the faith and prayed for divine guidance which brought me into a much more comfortable lifestyle.
I still have to make sure I don't be overwhelmed with my good fortune and trumpet that I'm a lucky man.
I'm currently housing a homeless dude and helped him get his own apartment this upcoming weekend.
I just hope he doesn't let me down like he did last night.
Gadzooks used to be one of my favorite exhortations whenever I was flabbergasted or bamboozled.
Now I think I'll coin a new term, "Godzooks."

Cinco de Mayo

On May 5 we're celebrating Cinco de Mayo with a cookout.
It will commence at 5 p.m. so if anyone is in the 'hood come on down and join us.
We have about 75 percent Hispanics residing here, so we want to help them commemorate this special day in Mexican history.
If my memory serves me correctly that's the anniversary of a major Mexican victory over Spain in some war.
Mexicans really celebrate their Independence Day in September.
Later on that note.
I had one new tenant come and prepay his May rent.
We had a great conversation.
Again I was told I'm a nice guy.
I've adopted "Nice Guys Finish With Class" as my credo ever since I gave a eulogy at my father's funeral in 1987.

Whew

Gadzooks!
Life as an apartment manager has its moments.
Or at least I used to say, "It's been real."
That indefinite statement means we're coping and not moping just glad another day in paradise is almost over from the work standpoint.
We're required to inspect each apartment every 90 days and check the air filter in the AC/heat unit and see if the smoke alarm is functioning properly.
Some of my tenants have been very attentive and tell me I'm the greatest.
One of the relatives of another tenant was non-compliant.
He said he was busy.
Whoopee! I just rented out the last one on this side of the street.
Well, I'll know for sure in the morning.
Edgar Hernandez made my day!!!

Rock and roll

Blessings have been bestowed on me again.
I've been very positive and upbeat with tenants and future tenants.
I inherited my sweetness in personality from my saint of a mother Ruth Marie Kornmeyer Lanier.
I inherited the passivity of handling stress from my saint of a father Rev. William Maurice Lanier.
Their spirits are guiding my actions.
I used to write about them on Mother's Day and Father's Day.
Once while covering the Phillips Charity Classic in Bella Vista a lady came up and hugged me and said she loved my articles about my parents.
I gave eulogies at both their funerals because I felt guilty about not telling them I loved them while they were still alive.
I hope through writing and living the life they would be proud of I can repay them in a spiritual way.
Right before I gave a eulogy for my father the man who took him to the hospital told me and my brother and sister that my father said he was proud of all of his children and wanted them to know that should he pass on to a heavenly kingdom.
I have a feeling he wanted to join my mother again because he missed her so much.
I'm not in that spiritual wanting to ascend the stairway to heaven yet.
I'm excited about the new challenges I'm accomplishing here.
If I can get these apartments filled up it would be a very positive development for my future with the company I work for.
I never mentioned rock and roll yet but things are rocking and rolling at my apartment complex.

Squirrely day

Just another day in paradise.
Saturday began like it was going to be a very boring, mundane, lackluster day.
Then a bizarre interlude.
A tenant told us someone had drilled a squirrel onto the balcony of her building and she didn't want her granddaughter to see the bloody mess.
My maintenance guru went over to tend to the situation.
He returned and asked me to provide assistance by holding a garbage bag open.
I'm not into blood and guts.
I'm squeamish.
So I showed him how he could attend to the scenario without my intervention.
Then I recruited another future tenant.
We're down to two apartments that haven't been leased on my side of the street.
Since I've been here we've turned the keys on eight new leasees.
I praise the Lord for his giving me these blessings.
My paycheck included 42 hours of overtime, so I'm going to celebrate tonight by eating ribs with a friend who lost her husband in January.
She's been bored and not been out in the public since.
Berry would be proud of us tonight.

Overcome

The key to success: improvise, adapt, overcome.
Clint Eastwood said that in the movie "Heartbreak Ridge."
Today a maintenance man from the Post Office put that credo into action while installing a key to some of our mailboxes.
He improvised, adapted and overcame with ingenuity.
Likewise I'm using a freetranslation.com web site to overcome my lack of knowledge in speaking and writing Spanish.
I never envisioned the day when I would be in the minority.
But most of our tenants are Hispanic.
So, I thank Brad Melton for his assistance.
Where would we be without good friends.
Homeless.
Sleeping in a tent.
No job.
God has blessed me with great friends who've aided me in my transition from camping out to being an apartment manager.
Thanks for a little help from my friends.

Stress Test

Yesterday I passed a stress test.
Two tenants clogged up their toilets with toys.
That's a no-no and the first time we forgive them, but the second time means they pay for the maintenence.
I'm going to give them a notice but one of them will be owing money.
I guess I'll have to wait until my maintence man works so he can speak to them in espanol.
Thanks Brad for sending me a message about free translation.com.
That will be a helpful link to communicating with the Hispanics.
It's a free service until you try and use it and then they want you to pay $9.95 per month.
I guess I'm having trouble spelling maintenence.
Oh, well, this is not a perfect world.
Just another day in paradise.

Toys in the toilet

Today I learned that some people don't have total control of their children.
Two of the tenants where I am supervising complained about their toilet stopping up.
Our maintenance man reported to me that both were caused by toys being thrown in the toilet.
No habla espanol for toys in the toilet!!
I have been told we must charge them if this happens more than once.
So, now how do I respond?
I can't even find toy in my Spanish dictionary.
Now I have to deal with this.
Just another day in paradise.

Baptism

God works in miraculous ways!
God blesses us every day.
But we must acknowledge his blessings and praise him faithfully and forthrightly.
Today I took two "showers" of blessings.
I initially showered for church and then was immersed in his Holy Spirit by being baptized.
I wanted to say my hero, my mentor Jesus of Nazareth was baptized by his cousin John the Baptist. My cousin Stewart Lanier in Massachusetts couldn't be here today but my friend Tommy Hinson will be baptizing me.
Interestingly another friend from the past Pedro was baptized too.
Then I saw two friends Henry and Brad witnessing.
They had already gone to their church and were there for moral and friendly support.
Both have aided me in my transition from homeless to apartment manager.
I was thrilled to be sitting with them in church this morning.
I have a new beginning thanks to their generosity and God's blessings.

Kinship

Just when you thought you were sinking because three people hadn't paid their rent, voila, they appear and the books are cleared of indebtedness.
Alas, the books aren't crystal clear.
Due to an oversight, there's red in the books.
So, we scoured and devoured and finally found a glitch in our bookkeeping.
But, in between the misery of worrying about not paying tenants and their delightful paying the late fees, intervened a friend who took me out to lunch.
He desired to give me a "housewarming" gift.
So, he bought me a microwave.
As we sat devoutly sharing experiences in life, a lady approached me and asked me if I was going to buy that Emerson microwave.
I politely said that was my new prized possession.
She castigated the purchase by remarking that it didn't have enough power.
Well, I guess I'll figure that out when I put it to use.
In the grand scheme of things, material possessions don't exacerbate spiritual kinship.
When I was down but not out, I didn't have a safe haven to sleep.
I didn't care a hillbilly hoot about watching television.
I could care less about microwaving popcorn.
I wasn't very alert to my laundry, except when I felt like I needed to wear a clean shirt and pants to church at Wiggins on a Sunday.
But I always seemed to have friends.
Christian compadres.
God was always with me.
He comforted me.
He saved me.
Now tomorrow when I enter into the realm of immersion I will reminisce about when Jesus went down and under with the spiritual cleansing from John the Baptist, I too will come up and celebrate a new beginning.
God, please help me to reemerge as a spiritual renaissance man.
Help me to help the less fortunate.
I have a gentleman sleeping on my couch who otherwise would be sleeping in the woods or at the Salvation Army.
So, I hope he understands I do care about him and I want him to be transformed.
Kinship is the sainthood of salvation.

Optimism

Larry McMurtry let you be my guide.
"Optimism is a form of courage."
The day began inopportunistically.
A tenant vamoosed.
I hopped on it with aplomb.
I did all the right things.
Then when I started feeling glum.
I get a message someone is interested in our apartment complex.
I called him.
He lives in Houston.
He's very interested in moving here and meeting me because I called him instaneously.
Wow!
Then I saw another message on the Internet and a lady is coming to tour Friday.
Hopefully by being optimistic and courageous I might be able to attract some future tenants.
I can't control the destiny of anyone, but I might be influential in their decision-making.
Likewise, a man told me yesterday he wanted to move out.
At first he was told he would be breaking his lease with us if he moved out when he said he would.
Then I told him he could move to another property owned by the man who sold the property the mall is located on.
Today he came back and said he wanted to move to another of our complexes.
He shook my hand and said Thanks.
So, I feel like I'm helping people out in their toughest times of decision making.
God makes a difference in our lives.
But we too can try and give people good advice.
Thanks, God, for helping me help others cope.
When one of my best friends of all time died I was told he said once, "If I ever go on the TV show, "So, you want to be a millionaire, I would call David to help me out as my lifeline."
Thank you, Berry.
Thank you, God, for helping me be a nice guy with class who wants to help people out no matter the circumstances.
Indeed, optimism is a form of courage.

Bah Humbug

The vicissitudes of life proclaim that we deal with adversity with charismatic Christian values and idealistic altruistic attitudes.
In other words life happens.
Deal with it.
Just when I was floating on Cloud Nine.
I received payment from a potential tenant with a $200 security deposit.
Bah Scroogebag!
I went to dispense vacate notices on passed due renters.
Alas the would be vacater took a vacation and flew the coop.
The good news he left the furniture.
But he's skipping along somewhere out there in no pay, no play land.
I just hope they don't take his vacancy no pay out of my next pay check.
I'm a forlorn lad.
But all we can do is clean up his apartment and rent it out to someone else.
I did talk to a would-be tenant from Houston who's planning on retiring and might move into one of my apartments.
Que sera!!

Reciprocal altruism

Do you believe in karma?
How about reciprocal altruism?
About a month ago a newfound friend let me stay in his motel room/apartment.
Tonight he's sleeping on my couch.
I was homeless a month ago.
Now he's homeless.
He hasn't eaten in three days.
He's been sleeping in the woods somewhere in Rogers.
So, that's reciprocal altruism.
God blessed me with the ability to help out a friend.
He's in seventh heaven watching cable TV.
I'm taking care of some unfinished business and then ruminating about the hands of time.
God works in wonderful ways.
He permits us a second chance at life.
And then he lets us reciprocate and help out those who helped us when were down but not out.
God Bless everyone who's aided me in my quest to lead a more normal existence.
Now God is permitting me to help those who helped me.
I am so thankful I went to church this morning and made a confession of faith in God.
Now I've got to decide what to do next in my rebirth in God's spirit.
The Rogers First Baptist Church is anticipating baptizing me next Sunday by immersion.
I will immerse my spirit and soul and contemplate the true meaning of faith.

Jesus

What would Jesus do?
Do we all make our decisions based on the supposition what would Jesus do?
I make my decisions based on my analysis of all the analytical factors.
A year ago I was homeless.
Now I have a secure place to live.
I have a TV.
I have a coffee maker.
I have a computer.
I have a bed to sleep in.
I have a bank account.
I have lots of friends.
Am I happy?
No.
Not yet.
Because I have to hang up late notices on rent due.
I want to help the homeless.
I don't want my tenants to be homeless.
I can't pay their late fees.
I don't understand why I'm not happy.
Material possessions are phoeey.
Sam Walton was one of my heroes.
He used to prophesize Buy America.
He used to invest his company in American made products.
He even invested in Arkansas companies.
But now everything is made in China.
Why?
Do we buy American made cars or Toyotas?
Let's just take a deep breath and remember what would Sam Walton do now.
Would he be happy that most of Wal-Mart's products are made in China?
The bottom line is that we can't be Jesus or Sam Walton.
We are who we are.
You can make a difference in someone else's life.
Just be yourself.
Don't pretend that Jesus is going to come back and save the world. Yes, he will. But we all can help our fellow man.
Try and help someone to see the right path.
I went to church with a tenant and God called me to change my life.
By a profession of faith.
Next Sunday I'm probably going to be baptized.
Pray for me!!
God Bless!!
Happy Easter!!

easter

Did the Easter Bunny die on a cross for you and me?
Did Jesus celebrate Santa Claus' birthday?
Did the Pilgrims celebrate Thanksgiving in a teepee on a reservation?
No.
No.
No.
What is our heritage?
Jesus died on a cross and was resurrected three days later.
Santa Claus depended on a red-nosed reindeer.
There were no microwaves when the Pilgrims chomped down on leftovers.
And Abraham Lincoln never watched television. He was too busy reading books by the light of a coal-stoked heater.
Everything is relative.
What's it all about Alfie?
Who's hiding Osama Bin Laden?
Not the relatives of Saddam Hussein (yes he was insane) in Iraq?
They hung him and it wasn't on a cross.
Now.
The answer my friend is blowing in the wind.
Bob Dylan sang that one.
All I can do is be the antithesis of right and wrong.
I'm not a copycat.
I'm just a jestful joker a few days after April Fool's Day.
Have a merry Easter.